In fact, I’m not even sure that most readers know the pseudonym I played under during my NBA years.

Just a tiny hint.

The Big Man

Betty Ford Center, ward 78 // Rancho Mirage, CA 92270

Regular readers of this blog may be surprised to know that I’m hardly a well-known player in certain regions of former Soviet Union. They simply don’t have access to the rich media communication tools there that I’ve relied on here, in this blog and elsewhere, to communicate my key basketball messages.

To make a long story short, it has emerged that the Kazakh authorities require me to present “Letters of Introduction and Recommendation” on my arrival at their national airport.

I turned to my teammates for help. It can be embarrassing for them to compare themselves to me, but I’m pleased with their words of support, a few of which are perhaps not inappropriate for me to share with my readership here:

TO THE KAZAKH NATIONALS:

1. Waste no time in putting The BigMan at post.
2. You’d be fortunate to get “The Goggle” to contribute to your team.
3. Words cannot express my opinion of the BigMan’s inside game.
4. I can’t recommend the BigMan’s outside shot too highly.
5. When one sees such players on the court, what can one say but “Fear The Goggle!”
6. I’m reminded of what Dr. Frankenstein remarked about his creation: “He’s a little bit clumsy, but his heart is in the right place!”

Thanks so much for your support!

I am a bit frustrated with your reluctance to pass me the ball.

I have sent out a Goggle Agent to educate the next generation, including teaching the proper way to pass me the ball.

I commend Tim on the great lengths he has gone to in his support of the Goggle Cause!

So click the picture above, go get tested however you like, and come back healthy. I need healthy, colorectal cancer-free players to PASS ME THE BALL!

Oh yeah, pass me the ball!

And remember, I control his ability to drive, so he isn’t going anywhere (much less the gym) if I don’t want him to.

PASS ME THE BALL!!!

Guess which one of us is more upset!

I don’t like to encourage this kind of thing. Baron’s had a great career so far in the NBA. I wish him the very best as he’s finding his basketball wings.

Still…a few points should be made.

Let’s look at Baron’s career statistics. He’s playing about 37.7 minutes per game, scoring 18.9 points/game. His field goal percentage is 43%, and his three point shot percentage is 35.7%. To hit these numbers, he can be taking no more than 22 shots per game, since even if all these shots were two-pointers, he would be scoring at least

22 * 2 * .43 = 18.92 points per game.

But Baron is only scoring 18.9 points per game. Therefore he’s taking at most 21 shots per game, and on a per-minute played basis that is very much less than one Shot Per Minute played (SPM).

Now, I don’t want to get into specifics, but I’ve been doing better than one shot per minute my entire career.

Why more people don’t focus on the crucial SPM statistic as a measure of basketball output has long been a mystery to me. Let’s face it—we great players all shoot well. Baron is no exception. What matters is how often you get a shot off when you’re on the floor.

Enough with this math. Pass the ball.

The blog has been silent this past week because I have been busy coaching one of my best and most attentive students, Baron Davis.

Banking in a three-pointer from near midcourt to end the first half, my idea. Davis coolly drilling a 20-footer with 57 seconds left, my idea. Missing a free throw with 3.2 seconds left, ummm…

In the end, I must humbly admit that my individualized one-on-one coaching helped him score 33 points and pull down 8 rebounds.

So the lesson, listen to my coaching and you can be as good as baron Davis, and almost as good as me! And pass me the ball!